Tacky Cruisers

I know that we have only been here for a month now, but already I share the local's and resident's viewpoints on a very key issue here in the Cayman Islands: tacky tourists. Now I realize there are tacky tourists all over the world, but Georgetown is the haven for a special sort of tacky tourist, the tacky cruiser. No other tourist can dress up and act like a tacky cruiser. Every morning between 3000-12,000 tacky cruisers arrive off of their massive cruise ships, armed and ready to tack-ify the islands. Free blue reusable Princess Cruise Line bags in hand, swimwear covered by a loud sarong or ugly Bikini-body screen print T-shirt and sneakers with no socks (or sometimes socks pulled up to mid calf) they race from the port in search of the ever so cultural Senor Frogs or Hard Rock Cafe.
I can sympathize with the predicament facing cruisers. It is hard to bring everything on land, when you are not sure what your daily activities will include, but really, is hauling around a snorkel & fins, Costco size sunscreen, two 2 Litre bottles of water, sandals, sneakers, guidebook, audio mapquest and beach towels going to make your day any easier? And the other thing noone can figure out is the cruiser's love of all things shiny. Main street is lined with "duty-free" jewellery store after jewellery store. All of them carrying items shipped from the US or UK. Many cruisers spend their day wandering up and down the main street shopping for items they can find back home, complaining about the heat and hiding out in the air conditioned stores waiting to re-board.
Well, at the very least the tacky cruiser provides entertainment for the residents. The best time to watch them is at 3pm when they line the seawall waiting to embark. You can see them in their wet bathing suits, carrying Tortuga Liquor bags and fanning themselves with the brochures from the activities that they had intended to do before they got caught up in taking pictures beside the numerous life-size wooden pirates along main street. Chatting with their fellow cruisers they are excited to boast about all of the knowledge they now have about Cayman, and offer opinions about everything from the locals to the stingrays. On their charters back to their ships, the residents wave good-bye, smiling the whole time. The cruisers are certain they are being bid a warm farewell, but really, we are just glad to be able to finally walk down the streets without being asked if we can take their pictures and tell them where the pirate Big Black DIck is located.

PS- No offence to the classy cruisers out there! I do spot a few of you from time to time- keep up the standards!